HORRIBLE HORSEFLY

I pulled up the leg of my pajama pants to revel two giant welts on the back of my calf.

My husband Steven looked over at me and cringed. “What happened to you?”

I had a large dollop of aloe vera cupped in the palm of my hand and began massaging it on the painful welts. “Stupid horsefly.” I mumbled as the cooling effect of the aloe vera began to make it feel better.

I dropped my pajama leg down and looked over at Steven. “I was sitting on the porch and the stupid thing got me three times!” I pointed to a small bump on my ankle. “Luckily he didn’t get me so badly there.”

“Are you sure they aren’t getting infected?” He looked concerned. “They look pretty bad.”

“They feel pretty bad.” I felt like I wanted to limp to prove how much it hurt but thought that might be a little too dramatic. “I’ll check it in the morning and see if it’s gotten any better.” I went over to my bedside table and picked up the glass of water I’d just placed there and took a sip. “But now I won’t be able to wear shorts until the welts go away.” I sighed as I put the glass back down.

Steven was by his closet getting ready to go to bed. He was silent for a moment then looked over at me with a confused look on his face. “What do you mean you won’t be able to wear shorts?” He shook his head. “You never wear shorts!”

I shrugged my shoulders. “You know what I mean.” I reasoned. “I’m not going to be able to wear anything that’s going to show the welts because they look horrible!”

“You wear pants all summer long.”

“First of all…” I’d placed my hands on my hips. “It’s always freezing in here.” I went over to the closet and got a sweatshirt to put over my pajama top to prove my point. “And secondly I wear capri pants, not pants, in the summer.”

“Okay.” Steven held his hands up. “You wear capri pants.”

“Exactly.” I grimaced as I felt the burning itch begin to flare up. “Man, he got me good.” I said as I pulled the pajama leg up again to get another look.

Steven took a closer look at the welts. “It doesn’t look good.” Steven agreed. “But, you keep saying he got you good.” He looked up at me. “Don’t you mean she got you good?”

“What?” I was only half paying attention to what he was saying because the urge to itch was so intense.

“It’s the females that are the ones that bite.” Steven shrugged his shoulders. “Not the males.”

That made me stop and look over at him. “Seriously.” I pointed to the welts. “That’s what you’re thinking about?”

“Well, I know you like to be accurate when you talk about these things.”

I stared at him until he finally went over to the bed and picked the the tube of aloe vera I’d dropped there earlier.

He smiled as he held up the tube like a peace offering.“Would you like some more of this?” He held out the tube for me to take. “It might make it feel better.”

I shook my head as I took the tube from him. “Yes, thank you. That would be very nice.”

He watched as I it put on the welts. “She sure got you good.”

I had to laugh as I shook my head. “Yeah, she sure did.”