CHEESE PLEASE

“Oh, my gosh!” I cried. “I think I’ve finally figured it out!” My husband Steven and I had just come home from dinner and I was sitting on the couch listening to my stomach go crazy.

My son Alex came into the room. “What did you figure out?” He asked.

“Why my stomach is always bothering me after I eat.” I heard my stomach gurgle again. “I think it’s the cheese.”

“You think you’re lactose intolerant?”

“It has to be.” I got up to get a glass of water. “I had eggplant rollatini for dinner so, not only does it have mozzarella cheese on it but it’s also filled with ricotta cheese.” I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and called over my shoulder. “I swear within a half an hour of eating it my stomach started to hurt.” I came back into the living room taking small sips of water from my glass. “I can’t believe it.” I sighed. “My stomach was just starting to feel better after the lunch we had.” I sat back down.

“But you made homemade chicken soup.” Alex looked confused. “There wasn’t any cheese in that.”

“No.” I raised my eyebrows. “But I dipped a grilled cheese sandwich in my soup.” I had to laugh. “All these years I’ve been thinking that I just had a nervous stomach. I can’t believe this is the first time it even crossed my mind that I was lactose intolerant!”

“You do eat a lot of cheese.” Alex said.

“I LOVE cheese. Any kind of cheese.” I leaned back against the cushions and sighed. “Grilled cheese, mac and cheese. I put cheese on everything! I’m Bubba from Forrest Gump.” I looked over at Alex. “Only with cheese!”

“You’re just missing the enzyme that helps digest dairy. A lot of people have that.”

I grabbed my phone to do some research. When I found the site I began reading from it. “Okay, it says here that 65 percent of people have a reduced ability to digest lactose after infancy.”

“See.” Alex said. “And yours isn’t even that bad. You didn’t even know you had it.”

“Wait a minute.” I’d scrolled down further. “It says only15 percent of adult Caucasians have it.”

I dropped my phone on the couch and sighed. “Well, isn’t that just magical. I’m in the 15 percent group.”

“You’ll be fine.” Alex got up and was headed down the hall. “I’m in it too.”

“I can’t give up cheese!” I cried.

“You don’t have to.” Alex was back and dropped a box of enzyme supplement next to me on the couch. “Just take these whenever you’re going to have dairy. It’s really no big deal. I’ve been using them for years.”

As I was reading the box Steven walked into the room. “Hey, are you lactose intolerant?” I asked him.

Steven shook his head. “Nope. Never had a problem.”

“Well, aren’t you special.” I grumbled under my breath.

“What?” Steven asked.

“Nothing.” I sighed. “Now I’ve got to carry packets of these around with me.” I held up the box.

“Hey, you could just give up eating cheese.” Alex said.

“NEVER!” I cried as I took a sleeve of pills out of the box and went to go find my purse.