It was getting late and I’d just finished a three hour seminar for work when I finally walked in my front door.

“Hey, how was the seminar?” my husband Steven called from the living room.

“Pretty good.” I answered as I hung my coat up in the closet and went into the living room. Steven patted the cushion next to him on the couch and I sat down. “I just wished they hadn’t stopped for a dinner break.” I sighed as I put my feet up on the coffee table and looked over at him. “I could have been home a half hour sooner.”

Steven looked confused. “They served dinner?”

I grabbed a pillow to put behind my head. “Yeah, they had a buffet. Sandwiches, wraps, potato salad, a whole bunch of stuff.”

Steven put the television on mute. “Did you know they were going to serve dinner?”

“Yeah.” Now it was my turn to look confused. “It was on the invitation.”

“But you ate before you went.”

“I know.” Now I was really confused. “I was the one who cooked our dinner before I left.”

“So you ate twice?”

“No, of course not.” I began shaking my head. “I just told you I ate dinner with you. Why is this so important to you?”

“Because it’s rude not to eat something when someone goes to all the trouble of getting food for you.” Steven just shook his head looking disappointed.

“But I’d already eaten!” I cried. “I wasn’t hungry!”

“You shouldn’t have eaten dinner with us.”

“But that’s when I was hungry!” I was starting to get annoyed.

Steven just shrugged his shoulders. “Hey, don’t get upset with me. I’m just letting you know it was rude. You could have at least put something on a plate and pretended.”

I leaned my head back against the pillow and stared at the ceiling. “Great.” I sighed. “Now I’m trying to remember if anyone saw me not eating.”

“Well, what were you doing while everyone else was getting their food?”

I thought about that for a moment. “I don’t know.” I sighed. “I didn’t know I was being rude so I wasn’t really paying attention.” I thought some more. “I think I was returning emails and texts.”

“So you were on your phone while everyone else was eating and socializing?” Steven shook his head again.

“Oh come on! No one was socializing! Everyone else was on their phone too! They were just eating at the same time!” I sighed as I looked over at him. “Great. Now my boss thinks I’m rude.”

Steven shook his head. “Do worry about it now. But just remember next time even if you’ve already eaten, eat again.” Steven shrugged his shoulders. “At least, that’s what I would have done.”

I had to laugh. “Oh sure. Easy for you to say! You’re always hungry!”

Steven smiled as he turned the sound back on the television. “Hey.” He shrugged his shoulders again and patted his stomach. “I’m never rude when it comes to food!”

My husband Steven was walking past the bathroom just as I was applying my new facial mask. He stopped and leaned against the doorway. “Oh geez, what’s this one do?”

“It’s a bamboo, charcoal infused sheet mask that once it’s activated will give me an oxygenating and tingling 3D bubble experience!” I was smoothing the mask against my skin making sure it was laying flat.

Steven started to laugh. “How do you activate it and what’s the 3D suppose to mean?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “You activate it by wetting your face first and I’m not sure what the 3D part is all about.” I turned around and leaned against the sink. “But it’s suppose to happen within the first few seconds.” I could feel the mask tingling on my face.

“It’s turning all soapy looking.” Steven said as he pointed to my face.

I turned around and looked in the mirror. “See! It’s working!” I picked up the package that it came in and turned it over to read it to him. “It says that in only three minutes I’ll be invigorating and detoxifying all while I’m removing my make-up!” I looked in the mirror and held up the package for him to see. “It not only says it in English but the directions are in French too!” I smiled at him and put the package back on the sink before turning around again. “For some reason I like that it’s in French.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It makes me happy.”

By now the bubbles had completely covered the mask and were beginning to drip onto my bathrobe. “Ooh, this one’s a little messy.” I scooped the bubbles off my robe and turned on the faucet to rinse off my hand. I took another peek in the mirror. “Well, it’s certainly working!”

“Yeah, you’re covered in soap all right.”

I could see in the mirror that Steven was shaking his head behind me. “Just one more minute and I’ll be all done!” Which by now I was happy about because the bubbles were beginning to drip into my eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut so no more bubbles could drip in. “Yup, almost there!” I said as I took a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” Steven asked sounding concerned.

“Just a little burning in the eyes, that’s all.” I tried to sound dismissive but my eyes were really starting to hurt. “Okay, I think the time is up!” I pulled the mask off, wiping the bubbles away from my eyes before taking a peek in the mirror. “Wow! That’s a lot of bubbles.” I turned the faucet on and began rinsing my face.

Steven reached around me and picked up the mask package from the sink. “It looks like maybe you just soaped up your face too much.” He began reading the package. “Did you even look to see what the ingredients were?”

“Of course I did!” I took a towel and began patting my face dry. “It’s got green tea and…” I shook my head. “I don’t know. A whole bunch of other stuff.” I hung the towel up and looked over at him. “Did I mention it’s also in French?”

Steven laughed. “You did.” He shook his head again before tossing the package back on the sink. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy.”

“I am happy.” I touched my cheek. “It feels so clean and smooth.”

“Well it should with the amount of soap you had on it!” Steven leaned over to give a quick kiss on my cheek. “You’re right it is smooth. But your eyes are all red now.”

I smiled as I picked up the package and tossed it in the trash. “What can I say? Sometimes beauty hurts.”

I was bringing in a few extra rolls of toilet paper to restock our bathroom when I stopped in our bedroom where my husband Steven was getting ready for work. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Steven looked up from tying his shoe. “Sure.”

“When you put a new roll of toilet paper in the holder do you have the paper going over the roll or under?”

Steven sighed. “Are you still mad that I forgot to replace the roll last week?”

“What?” I shook my head. “No, this is a real question.”

“Over.” he said reaching down to tie the other shoe. “Everyone places it over.”

“I though so too.” I went into the bathroom and tossed the extra rolls under the sink before coming back out and sitting on the edge of the bed. “But I was talking to a friend of mine and she says she always has the paper going under.”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “Well, it that’s how their family likes it, who are we to argue.” He got up to close the closet door.

“That’s just the thing.” I reached over and grabbed the hand cream from my bedside table. “She says she and her husband have disagreed for years about how it should go on.” I opened the tube and squeezed some into my hand. “Can you image disagreeing about something like that for our whole marriage?”

Steven laughed. “You’re right. It’s great that we’ve never had to argue about that.”

“See! We’re toilet paper compatible!” I’d finished working the cream into my hands. “It never crossed my mind that we’d argue over something like that.”

“That’s because we’re too busy arguing about who doesn’t close the condiment lids all the way.” Steven stared at me.

“What?” I shook my head. “I’ve told you I’m not sure who’s doing it.”

Steven walked out of the bedroom and I followed him down the hall to the kitchen. He looked back at me as he opened the refrigerator door. “Would you like to place a bet that there’s at least one cap that isn’t closed all the way.”

I quickly scanned the shelves on the door and crossed my fingers behind my back. “Sure I’ll make that bet.”

Steven reached in and pulled out a bottle of blue cheese salad dressing. “I’m pretty sure you were the one that had this on your salad last night, right?”

I shrugged my shoulder. “Maybe.”

Steven tightened the cap on the half closed bottle. “Why is that so hard?”

“I swear, it wasn’t me!” I cried as Alex walked into the kitchen. I pointed at him. “I think he had blue cheese, too!”

“Whooo…” Alex looked confused. “What am I getting blamed for?”

“Someone always forgets to completely close the tops on the condiments.” Steven put the salad dressing back in the refrigerator and closed the door.

“What do you mean someone?” Alex looked over at me. “I thought that was decided a long time ago.” he raised his eyebrows at me. “Mom?”

“Fine.” I sighed. “But do you have to close them so tight that I can’t get them open again?” I opened the refrigerator and took the the blue cheese bottle. I tried to get the cap off but couldn’t until I reached into a drawer and got out the rubber grip I used to loosen caps. “There’s got to be a happy medium.” I sighed again.

Alex looked at both of us raising his eyebrows again. “Are you telling me you two are starting the day arguing about how loose the tops should be?”

I looked at Alex. “Hey, I have a friend who argues with her husband about whether the toilet paper should go over or under when you replace the roll!”

Alex looked confused. “It always goes over.”

Steven smiled over at me. “Exactly!”

I had just gotten home from work and met my husband Steven in the driveway. “The weirdest thing just happened today.” I said as I walked over to his truck and gave him a quick kiss.

“Oh yeah?” He was pulling his file boxes out of the truck and closed the door with his elbow. “What was it?”

We were both walking to the front door. “They wanted me to fill out a new emergency form at work and when it came to writing down who I wanted notified first I put your name down.”

“Well, thanks. It’s nice to know you’d like me to be called first. But why is that weird?” He put his file boxes down and took the keys out of his pocket to unlock the front door.

“That wasn’t the weird part.” He held the door open for me to go though first. “It’s when I was supposed to write down your phone number and I had no clue what it was.”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know your phone number either.”

“I know! Nobody knows phone numbers anymore!” I dropped my purse and tote on the chair and tossed the keys in the basket we kept on the counter. “Remember when we knew all our friends phone numbers by heart?”

“Sure, but now we don’t have to. I just go to my contacts and hit Kat and I’m talking to you.”

“I know, but what if you lost your phone and wanted to call me?” I grabbed a water bottle out of the cabinet.

“If my phone’s lost how am I suppose to call you?” He started to laugh.

I just sighed. “You know what I mean. What if you borrowed someone’s phone?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess I’d figure something out.” He went over to get a water bottle too.

“But that’s what I’m talking about. We should know each others phone number. Just in case. Do you know when I looked you up in my contacts…”

Steven interrupted. “Under ‘My Hero’.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I remember when you put that in my contacts. The first time you called me and it came up that My Hero was calling I couldn’t stop laughing.”

“So you knew right away it was me!” He smiled as he leaned against the counter.

“Yeah, I knew.” I held up my hand. “But reminding me that you’re cute isn’t going to stop me from saying that we need to memorize each others phone numbers, just in case.”

Steven sighed. “Fine. I’ll memorize your phone number.”

I had to smile. “Do you want me to write it on your hand, like we did way back in our dating years?”

Steven looked confused. “You never wrote your phone number on my hand.”

I shrugged my shoulder. “I never wrote my number on anyone’s hand. But you see it in movies all the time so I thought I’d throw it out there.”

Steven just shook his head. “Well this will be a fun weekend project I can add to my list.” I couldn’t help but hear the sarcasm in his voice.

Alex walked into the kitchen. “What fun weekend project?”

“Your Mom wants us to memorize each others phone numbers.”

Alex looked confused. “You just look in your phone. It’s right in your contacts.”

“But what if you lost your phone?” I countered. “How would you call me?”

Alex looked even more confused. “How can I call you if I lost my phone?”

Steven burst out laughing. “I said the same thing!”

“Oh my God!” I couldn’t help but shake my head. “You two are killing me here!”

I was reading on the couch, enjoying a lazy, rainy Sunday when I saw my son Alex walk by with an empty glass covered with a napkin. “I thought you were taking a shower?” I called as I heard him open the back door.

“I was, but there was a spider in the tub.” he called back.

I got up to see. “How big is it?” I asked as I walked out on the back porch.

Alex pointed over to a side table. “Not that big.”

I walked over to see a small brown spider sitting on the table. When I got closer it began to scurry towards me. “Oh! Not a fan!” I said as I quickly backed up. I looked over at Alex. “But I have to say I’m very impressed!”

Alex looked confused as he walked back in the house and put the glass in the dishwasher. “Impressed with what?” he asked.

“That you’d catch a spider and walk it all the way outside instead of just flushing it down the toilet.” I was leaned back against the counter.

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “Aren’t you always telling me about how you catch crickets at work and take them outside?”

It was my turn to shrug my shoulders. “I don’t mind crickets.” I couldn’t help but shutter. “But spiders are a different story.”

Alex went to throw the napkin in the trash. “Hey, everyone deserves a chance to survive.” He looked over at me and laughed. “Just not in my tub.”

“I hate to admit it, but if I’d found him in my shower I’m pretty sure I would have just flushed him.” I looked sadly over at Alex. “Does that make me a bad person?”

“I still love you.” Alex came over and patted me on the shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better I’ll let you catch all the crickets that come into the house.”

I had to laugh. “It’s getting to be that time of year.” I walked over to the cabinet and grabbed a water bottle, holding it out to Alex.

Alex shook his head. “I’m getting into the shower, remember?”

“Oh yeah.” I put the water bottle on the counter. “The problem with crickets is that they’re so hard to find. It’s like trying to figure out which smoke detector is chirping when the battery runs low. Remember last year when I spent three days trying to find the one in the living room?”

Alex smiled. “I remember it drove you crazy.”

“I swear I thought it was living in the couch!”

Alex walked by me headed for the shower. “Well, playing hide and seek with crickets this fall can be your punishment for not treating bugs we find in the house equally.”

Steven walked into the kitchen, catching the tail-end of our conversation. “Who’s getting punished?”

“Mom, for killing spiders she finds in the house.” Alex laughed.

“You shouldn’t kill spiders.” Steven said as he went over to the fruit dish and picked out an apple. “They actually help keep the other insect population down. Having one or two in the house can actually be a good thing.”

I pointed over to Alex. “Tell that to him because he just tossed one out the door!”

Alex laughed as he headed for the bathroom. “I don’t care how good they are, I’m still not going to shower with one.”

I was in the bathroom, getting ready to get in the shower when I hopped on the scale. Looking down at the number I burst out laughing.

My husband, Steven was in the bedroom getting dressed when he heard me and came to the door and knocked. “You okay in there?”

I put on my robe and opened the door. I was still laughing as I wiped a tear from my cheek. “You know how it’s always so stressful the first week or so of school?”

Steven looked confused. “Yeah…”

“Well this year has been more so than usual.” I was leaned against the door jam while Steven went to the closet to get his shoes. “I’ve been running around and forgetting to eat.” I went over to sit on the edge of the bed. “So this morning I was going to weigh myself, thinking at least I’d have lost some weight and it would be the silver lining of a crazy week.” I watched as Steven sat on the bench at the end of our bed so he could put his shoes on.

“Okay, so how much did you lose?”

“That’s the part that was making me laugh so hard.” I started to chuckle again. “I didn’t lose any. In fact I gained a pound!” I started laughing again. “So now on top of everything else I must be sleep eating because I’m telling you I wasn’t eating much all week!”

“Oh that happened to me once.” Steven bent over to tie his shoes.

“Having a busy week, forgetting to eat and gaining weight?”

Steven turned around to look at me. “No, sleep eating. Remember the time I went to the dentist and they gave me all of that Novocaine and I couldn’t eat dinner. But I got up in the middle of the night and ate all kinds of things?”

“Oh yeah.” It was starting to come back to me. “I remember I came down the next morning and the hummus container was out on the counter and there was an apple with a knife in it laying on the table.”

“Then when I came into the kitchen and you asked me why I’d left the hummus out and I said it wasn’t me?”

“Yeah.” I started to laugh again. “Then I pointed to your tee shirt that had hummus on it!”

“I couldn’t deny it then, but it sure scared me because I swear, to this day, I don’t remember doing it.” Steven just shook his head.

“Well at least we realized it was the Novocaine!” I looked over at him. “What’s my excuse?”

Steven looked at me his eyebrows going up, looking as if he was about to get trapped. “I think you’re beautiful no matter what you weigh.” he said quickly.

“Good answer.” I said as I leaned over and kissed the top of his head. I couldn’t help but laugh as I headed back to the bathroom.
He got up from the bench and grabbed my arm to pull me into a hug. “Have an easy day.” He gave me a quick kiss. “I’ll meet you back at house around dinnertime.” He headed towards the bedroom door before he stopped at turned around. “By the way, what’s for dinner?”

“I’m making meatloaf.”

“Sounds good.” He smiled as he headed out.

I closed the bathroom door and looked down at the scale with disgust. “I hate you.” I whispered.

I was pulling more white fluff from the inside of a pillow and stacking it on the dining room table when my son Alex came into the room. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Haven’t you noticed how dirty and flat my needlepoint pillows were getting?” I reached into the pillow and pulled out more.

Alex shook his head as he looked at the pile of fluff that was almost up to my shoulders on the table. “Nope, never noticed.”

“Well look at this.” I held up the now empty pillow with a needlepoint picture of a bee on it. “It’s filthy!” I cried.

Alex leaned in to look closer. “I don’t see any dirt.”

I turned it around to take a look for myself and couldn’t see any either. “Okay, so maybe this one was just flat and needed new stuffing.” I reached over to another needlepoint pillow that had a white background. “This one’s yucky!”

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “If you say so.” He picked up the pillow with the bee on it from the table. “It cracks me up that you have bees and honey jars all over the place just because Miele means honey in Italian.”

Now it was my turn to shrug my shoulders. “Hey, lucky for you it means that and not something disgusting!”

“You mean if it did we’d have a picture of something disgusting on a pillow?” Alex started to laugh.

“You never know.” I’d finished pulling the remainder of the stuffing from the last pillow and took them all over to the sink to start washing them.

Later that afternoon Alex was back in the kitchen and could see I was at the dining room table re-stuffing the pillows with new filling. “Wow! This has turned into an all day event.” He grabbed a snack and went into the living room and turned on the television.

“What can I say? I like clean, fluffy pillows.” I was jamming so much filling into each pillow they were looking bloated. “If I over-stuff them now I won’t have to redo them for another year or two.” I explained.

“Whatever makes you happy.” Alex laid back on one of the couch pillows and began watching his show.

I’d finished stuffing the needlepoint pillows but still had some leftover stuffing. I was walking around the living room carrying the bag when I noticed the pillows on the couch. “Do they look flat to you?”

Alex looked over at me and adjusted the one under his head. “They seem fine to me.”

Not liking that answer I picked up one of the other pillows on the couch and unzipped the bottom. “Perfect! It’s not a foam block, it’s filled with stuffing too!” I reached into the bag and grabbed a big clump of stuffing and began jamming it into the pillow. When I was satisfied that it had enough filling I struggled to zip it up again then reached for the next pillow and did that one too. When that was in place I looked at Alex. “I need that pillow now.” I was pointing to the one under his head as I held a newly stuffed pillow for him to use.

Alex switched pillows but when he slipped the new one under his head it made his head tip forward. “I think you might have overstuffed this one.” he said with his chin almost touching his chest.

“Don’t worry, it will flatten out after a while.” I was busy cramming more stuffing into the pillow when my husband Steven came into the room. He looked at Alex, “You don’t look very comfortable.”

“I’m not.” Alex tried to adjust the pillow so his head would rest the right way.

I tossed the last finished pillow on the couch. “Don’t they look fabulous!” I cried. “Nothing looks better then freshly fluffed pillows!” I looked at Alex and Steven.

“Wow!” Steven looked around at all the overstuffed pillows on all the furniture. “Who knew we’d been living with flat pillows all this time.”

“Not me.” Alex sighed as he was still trying to find a comfortable place to rest his head. “I think I liked them better flat.”

It was close to dawn and the overwhelming stench of skunk woke me up from a sound sleep.

“Oh my God!” I cried, gulping for some air that wasn’t putrid smelling.

My husband, Steven was already up and looking out the window. “I don’t see him, but the smell is pretty bad.” He closed the window and turned the ceiling fan on. “I’m going to turn the air conditioning off before the smell gets stuck in the filters.”

I grabbed by bathrobe and followed him. “I’m trying not to breath through my nose, but when I breath through my mouth I swear I can almost taste it.” I couldn’t help but gag as I held the sleeve of my bathrobe up against my face. “Oh, my God! Smell this!” I held my sleeve up to Steven. “It’s on my robe too!”

Steven didn’t take me up on my offer to smell my sleeve. Instead he was opening the windows and turning the ceiling fans on. “Can you turn the exhaust fan on over the stove?”

“Sure.” I headed toward the kitchen as our son Alex was coming out of his room. “You’re up early.”

“Are you kidding me?” he had his sweatshirt sleeve over his nose. “Who can sleep with that smell!”

Alex followed me into the kitchen. “That’s why we’re opening windows and turning on the fans.” I explained as I flipped the switch on the exhaust hood then went to open the kitchen door. I’d just stepped out on the deck when I froze, stopping Alex from following me out. “Oh, my God!” I whispered. “It’s worse out here!” I quietly backed into the house and closed the door.

“Do you think he’s under our deck?” Alex asked.

“I sure hope not.” I went into the hall closet and pulled out the spray bottle of Febreze and started spraying my bathrobe. After a moment I smelled my sleeve again. “Great, now I smell like a skunk that’s walked through…” I looked at the Febreze can. “meadows and rain!” I put the can back in the closet as Steven came out of our bedroom.

“The smell’s a lot stronger out back.” I told him.

“Do you think it’s living under our deck?” Alex asked him.

“I doubt it.” He was headed to the back door. “Our bedroom smells better already so I think he was walking through our yard when something spooked him.”

“Don’t open the door!” I cried. “He might be walking under our deck! The last thing we need is for him to get scared again!” I couldn’t help shaking my head. “I can’t imagine what a direct hit would smell like if this is his I’m-walking-through-the-yard stink!”

Steven closed the door. “Okay. So we’ll stay inside until we’re sure he’s moved on.”

The three of us just stood in the kitchen staring at each other.

“Well, there’s no going back to bed now.” I sighed as I grabbed the teapot and went to the sink to fill it with water.

“I guess not.” Alex sighed.

Steven went to the refrigerator. “Anyone want some breakfast?” he pulled the carton of eggs out.

Alex and I just looked at him.

Steven looked confused. “What?” he put the eggs on the counter and went to get the frying pan.

I sighed. “How can you want to eat when the stench is still so strong?”

Steven shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I’m getting used to the smell.” he put the frying pan on top of the stove. “And I’m hungry.”

Alex sat down to the kitchen table still holding the sleeve of his sweatshirt against his nose. “You know, he’s right. Just because it stinks doesn’t mean we can’t eat.”

Steven smiled as he began cracking eggs into the pan.

“You two enjoy your breakfast.” I smelled my bathrobe sleeve again. “But I’m going to throw this in the washer before I go take a shower and see if that helps.”

It was early Saturday morning and while I was having my morning tea on our deck I could see that our backyard neighbors were getting ready for a party. Tents were being set up, balloons were being tied to the deck, table and chairs were being put into place and someone was doing a last minute skim of the pool. They had a beautiful day for their event and I was happy for them.

Later that afternoon I went back out on my deck and could hear they’d hired a singer. He played an acoustic guitar and sang songs from the Doors, Eagles and Beatles, all of the music I liked to listen to.

I stuck my head back inside the house. “Hey, Alex!” I called to my son. “The back neighbors are having a party and they hired a really good singer! Do you want to come hang out on the porch and listen with me?”

Alex came out carrying a bottle of water. He stopped and listened for a moment. “He is pretty good.” He admitted as he sat down in the chair next to me and we quietly listened to, ‘Come On Baby Light My Fire’.

At the end of the song, the guests began cheering. “I feel like I want to call up some friends and invite them over to have our own party right here!”

“Well, you’d certainly save money on the entertainment.”

I looked over and smiled. “Exactly what I was thinking!” It was at that moment a neighbor a few doors down, turned on his riding lawn mower and began revving the engine. I looked over at Alex. “Well, that’s not good.”

“WHAT?” Alex called, making a point of letting me know how loud the mower was.

“They must hear that a party’s going on.” The mower had drowned out our ability to hear the music.

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “It’s Saturday afternoon. People are allowed to mow their lawn.”

“I know but it’s a matter of neighbor etiquette.” I countered. “They can hear that a neighbor’s having a party. If it were me I wouldn’t mow my lawn today.”

Alex laughed. “You’ve never mowed the lawn.”

Now I had to laugh. “That’s true, but it’s not my point!”

“Well, maybe the person on the lawnmower isn’t a fan of that kind of music.” Alex took a sip of water.

“Still not being a good neighbor.” I sighed.

“You’re just mad that you can’t sit out here and hear free party music.” Alex laughed.

The neighbor’s lawnmower stopped for a moment and the people at the party began cheering. “See, they know he was being rude and they’re thanking him for stopping.”

Alex looked over at me, a confused look on his face. “How do you know they’re cheering for that? Maybe their musician just finished a song and they’re cheering that.”

“Because that’s a part of neighbor manners. When someone stops their annoying behavior you show your appreciation!”

Alex started laughing. “That’s not a thing!” he cried.

I shrugged my shoulder. “Well I think it should be.”

That’s when the neighbor’s mower started again. I looked over at Alex and rolled my eyes as I got up to go inside. “It was nice while it lasted.” I sighed.

“Look on the bright side.” Alex said as he got up with me. “At least you didn’t call anyone to come over and eavesdrop on their party with you.”

My phone dinged and up popped a photo sent from my husband Steven of a snake slithering through the grass.

I shook my head and did a double take before texting back. “Where was this taken?”

A few seconds later another ding. “Our back yard!”

I don’t know why I instinctively pulled my feet up on the couch but I did, frozen for a few seconds wondering what to do next. I live in an area that isn’t really known for snakes. This is something that I periodically thank God for. I love nature, but snakes fall into a different category for me.

I copied the picture to a Facebook group called Nature Addicts and asked if anyone could identify what kind of snake it was. Moments later, ‘Checkered garter snake’ was the answer with links to find out more. Scrolling through the links I realized this type of snake wasn’t from around here.

I got up from the couch and went to the dining room window where I could see Steven and my son Alex standing outside. I opened the window. “Where is it now?” I called.

Steven pointed to the garbage cans. “He slithered over there.”

“Well, he’s a Checkered garter snake. He’s not one of our local snakes, he’s from the Southwest and Mexico.”

Steven just nodded as he looked back over at the garbage pails. “So, what you are trying to tell me is that he’s up here for summer vacation?”

Alex started to laugh.

“No, Capt. Funny-pants, I’m saying it must be someone’s pet.”

Steven shrugged his shoulders and looked over at Alex. “Well, you better catch him before we make up the Missing Pet posters.”

Alex started to laugh again. “I’m not catching him! He’s two and a half feet long!”

I looked back at the link on my phone. “It says when you pick him up his defense is pooping a foul-smelling liquid.” I was playing a YouTube video. “Oh wow! This guy’s holding a snake and actually gagging from the smell.”

“Sounds like a fun pet.” Alex couldn’t help but shudder.

“Well, what are we going to do?” I was leaning on the windowsill still not wanting to go outside. “He’s never going to leave. We’re like a resort for snakes with the woods in our backyard and all the crickets and little toads he could possibly want to eat.”

“That sounds about right.” Alex nodded in agreement.

“Oh, come on!” Steven sighed. “I’m sure he’s just slithering through. He’s probably three houses away by now.”

“Can you move the garbage cans and check?” I asked.

Steven looked over at Alex. “Why don’t we wait until after dinner. Maybe give him a chance to move on.”

Alex nodded in agreement. “That sounds like a good idea.”

They both came back into the house.

As Alex walked into the kitchen I was holding out a bag of garbage from the kitchen pail. “You do realize tonight’s garbage night, right?” I couldn’t help but smile.