Steven walked into the living room where I was skimming through a small turquoise colored book I’d just purchased. “Feng Shui?” he asked reading the cover of the book.

I looked up and smiled. “Isn’t it great! I just wanted to check and see how our house rates in this.”

Steven looked around. “I think our house looks great just the way it is.”

“I do too.” I pointed to the title of the book to prove my point, “But there’s always room for improvement, right?”

Steven shrugged his shoulders as he went into the kitchen.

“Oh no!” I cried. “I’ve found our first problem!”

Steven stuck his head around the corner. “What?”

“It’s our entrance hall.” I looked over him. “It says if you can see your back door from your front door any good luck that comes into the house goes right back out the other door!”

Steven didn’t look impressed. “We’re not moving doors.”

“I know.” I looked back down at my book. “I’m just saying it’s a little unsettling.”

Steven went back into the kitchen.

“Oh great, here’s another problem!” I called out.

“What’s this one?”

“It says if you can see your dining room from your living room you’ll always be thinking about food and not each other!”

“It’s called an open floor plan.”

“I know what it’s called.” I could hear him opening the silverware drawer. “What are you making?”

“A sandwich, do you want one?”

“Well, I wasn’t hungry until I looked at the dining room table.” I shook my head in disgust. “But now all I can think about are the donuts I bought yesterday.”

Steven came out holding the empty box. “The boys already beat you to them.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess it’s for the best.” I kept flipping through the pages. “Oh great, even the color we’ve painted the walls is all wrong!”

“Oh come on!” Steven called. “What’s wrong with the color?”

“In Feng Shui it’s all about the opposites.” I began reading from the book, “It’s says that because gray is neither black or white but a murky combination of the two it means we have something to hide.” I dropped the book on the couch and went into the kitchen, leaned against the counter and watched Steven finish making his sandwich. “So according to Feng Shui we’re doomed to be a bunch of unlucky, fat, secret keepers!” I sighed.

Steven just laughed as put his sandwich on a plate and walked over to the table.

“Oh, that reminds me!” I said perking up a bit. “I hid some of my Valentine candy in the back of the cabinet so the boys wouldn’t find it!” I went over to the cabinet, pulled out one of the drawers, moved some cans of soup, and found my small heart shaped box tucked behind them. Opening the lid I had to sigh. “They found it.” I held up the empty box for Steven to see.

“So our house isn’t a Feng Shui fail after all.” Steven took another bite of his sandwich.

Now I was confused.“How do you figure that?” I tossed the empty box into the garbage and sat down next to him at the table.

“Well, it seems you can’t keep a secret from the boys because they found your candy so, you won’t be complaining that you put on any weight from eating it, right?” He looked over at me and smiled. “I think that’s pretty lucky, don’t you?”

I came into the house tossed my shopping bag on the couch and plopped down next to it. “Worst shopping trip ever!” I cried as Steven came into the room.

Steven looked at the bag. “Well, it couldn’t have been too bad, it looks like you bought something.”

I looked at the bag. “I did find two shirts.” I admitted. “But that’s not the reason it was a horrible shopping trip.” I rubbed my my still sore shoulder.

Steven looked confused. “What happened?”

“I’m almost embarrassed to say.” I rubbed my still sore neck.

Steven looked even more confused. “So…”

“I got stuck in the fitting room.”

“You mean the door got jammed?”

“No, I mean I got stuck in a piece of clothing and couldn’t get it off!”

“What?”

“I’m serious!” I cried. “Now I know why so many people go shopping together! Its so you can have a dressing room spotter!”

Steven started to laugh.

“It’s not funny! I was actually starting to panic when I couldn’t get the thing over my head! My shoulder and neck still hurt.” I rubbed my shoulder again and turned my neck back and forth to prove my point.

“How do you get stuck in a piece of clothing?” Steven was still smiling, but was trying to show some sympathy.

“Well, you know how much I hate to shop. So when I do finally go I take as many things into the fitting room as possible.” I looked over at Steven. “I only give the dressing room ordeal one shot. If I don’t find it in the first group of clothes I give up and go home.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Steven just shook his head.

“So while I was wandering around the store looking for shirts I saw a new type of body shaper. I thought I’d try on.”

“And…”

“Well, I got it on. But it felt like I’d just put on a wet suit! It was some weird material, and it looked horrible, so I decided it was going in the reject pile. But when I tried and take it off I could only get it up to my shoulders.” I looked at Steven and shook my head. “You had to see me. I was standing there with one arm over the top of my head stuck in that thing! It wouldn’t budge!”

Steven started to smile.

“It’s not funny! I was panicking! I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t want to call out for help and have some stranger come in to pull it off of me!” I closed my eyes for a moment trying to erase the image from my mind.

“So how did you get it off?”

“I stood there with my arm stuck over my head, doing deep breathing to try and calm myself down.” I looked over at Steven. “Which, by the way, is pretty hard to do when you’re standing in front of a three way mirror and can actually see how pathetic you look.”

I could see Steven trying to stifle his smile.

“I finally calmed myself down enough that I slowly wiggled it over my head. It looked like I was doing a magic act, escaping from a straight jacket!” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I looked over at Steven. “I swear the next time I go shopping someone better come with me to be my spotter!”

Steven didn’t look thrilled. “I don’t think anyone would appreciate me going into the ladies dressing room with you.”

Now I was confused. “I wasn’t talking about you coming in with me.”

“Oh, good.” he patted my leg as he got up from the couch. “Because I hate shopping as much as you do!”

Steven came into the kitchen, “Something sure smells good!” he leaned over my shoulder to see what was cooking.

“The roast has been in the oven since three.” I lifted the lid and peeked into the pot. “These potatoes should be ready to mash in a few minutes. Then I’ll make some gravy from the drippings and a green salad and dinner will be ready!”

“Sounds good to me.” Steven went over to the cabinet. “I’ll set the table for us.” He pulled two plates out and headed for the table.

“Why are you only putting out two plates?” I asked. “Aren’t the boys eating with us?”

“They both told me they were going out.”

“Are you kidding me!”

“No.” Steven shrugged his shoulders. “I thought they told you.”

“Well they didn’t!” I looked back at the stove. “I’ve been cooking all afternoon and nobody’s going to be eating?”

All day long I’d been looking forward to climbing into bed to start the new book I’d just gotten. It was by one of my favorite authors. I loved the crazy situations she came up with, followed by twists and turns I’d never expect.

When it was finally bedtime I was almost giddy.

Steven was already in bed, his phone propped up on a pillow in front of him, playing a hand of poker. Oh course, I could never understand how playing a game or two of poker before going to bed was any way to relax, but hey, to each his own.

I snuggled deep under my covers, adjusted my pillows, and opened my new book. After reading the first few pages it seemed oddly familiar. I looked over at Steven. “You know it’s crazy but I feel like I could have written this book myself.”

Steven laughed. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you know when you’re watching a movie and you know what’s going to happen before it does.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that’s how I feel right now.” I was feeling a little disappointed. “This author has never been so predictable.”

“Hmm…” Steven mumbled.

I looked over and saw he was concentrating on a hand, which meant he probably didn’t even hear what I’d said.

I went back to my book.

Two chapters later, I was really getting annoyed. “Oh come on!” I cried out. “Of course she was the one driving the car! She caused the accident!” I looked over at Steven. “It’s like all these little hints are being missed by the other characters!”

Steven looked over surprised. “Maybe you’re just better at picking up on the clues.” he suggested.

“Maybe.” I agreed. “But I was just expecting more from this writer. She’s always been one of my favorites and now I’m disappointed.”

“Sorry.” Steven said, but quickly went back to his game.

I decided to start skimming through the pages. Catching familiar phrases and being annoyed that my favorite writer just wasn’t being very original.

Then it finally dawned on me. “Hey!” I cried. “I know what’s wrong with this book!”

Steven placed his phone on the nightstand and looked over at me. “What?”

“I’ve already read this!”

“What?”

“I finally just figured it out.” I had to laugh looking over at Steven and shaking my head. “Well, at least I’m not annoyed at the author anymore.”

“That’s good.” Steven reached over and turned off his light.

I settled back into my pillows and started reading again.

“Aren’t you going to turn out your light?”

“No, I want to finish skimming through the book.”

“But you said you already read it.”

“I did.” I leaned over and gave him a good night kiss. “But I still can’t remember how it ends.”

It was first thing in the morning and Steven and I were sitting at the kitchen table. He had his cup of coffee while I drank my tea. “Yuck.” I said after taking a sip. “This tastes awful.” I put my cup down.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“I don’t know. But when I go to other people’s houses, the cup of tea they make me just tastes better.” I complained.

“Maybe they use different tea?” he suggested.

“I’ve checked. We use the same brand.” I took another sip, and shook my head. “It’s got to be the way they make it.”

Steven looked confused. “How do they make it?”

“They boil the water in a tea kettle.” I said. “I just zap mine in the microwave.”

“Do you put the tea bag in the microwave?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Sure, it’s quicker.”

“Maybe you should just heat the water in the microwave and then add the tea bag.” Steven suggested.

“Maybe.” I shrugged my shoulder. “We always used to have a kettle, I’m not sure why we gave it up?”

“Because they either have a whistle that wakes the whole house up or they get pitted and gross on the inside.”

“What? I don’t remember that?”

“I do.” Steven looked over at his Keurig. “ Before we got the coffee maker I had to use the kettle for my drip coffee. It was a pain in the neck.”

“Wait,” I felt confused. “We don’t have a tea kettle anymore because you got a different coffee maker?”

“What?” Now it was Steven’s turn to look confused. “No, we got rid of the kettle because it was loud and gross.”

“Really?” I just stared at him.

“Okay, so you don’t want to microwave your tea anymore. I get it.” Steven got up from the table and opened the pots and pans drawer. He took out my small sauce pan, “Here you go.” he said as he placed it on top of the stove. “A kettle is really nothing more than a different shaped pot.” He smiled at me hoping he’d fixed the problem.

“Really?” I said again, just staring.

Finally he sighed, “You want a tea kettle don’t you.”

“I do.” I smiled and perked right up. “I love when I go into someone’s house and I see their cute kettle. It just says; a tea drinker lives here!”

“Oh come on!”

“I’m serious.” I looked over at our kettle-less stove, watching as Steven put the small saucepan back in the drawer. “Besides when someone comes over and you offer them coffee or tea and they say tea it’s just nice to say, ‘I’ll put the kettle on!’ Not, ‘Sure, let me pull out a saucepan or worse yet let me zap some hot water for you’.”

Steven sat back down at the table. “Fine, but could you at least find one that doesn’t whistle?”

I just smiled. I wasn’t promising anything.  

After a quick knock on Alex’s door, I peeked my head into his room. “I’m doing a load of whites. Do you have any laundry you need done?” I asked.

Alex was sitting at his desk working on his computer. “I’m not sure.” he said. “I’ll check in a minute.”

Now, I know when Alex is working on his computer, when he says a minute, it could really mean hours. I looked at the carpet of clothes strewn across his floor. “Are these all dirty?”

He turned around to look at what I was talking about. “Probably.”

“Probably?”

He looked closer. “Okay, maybe.”

I reached down and picked up the first thing I came across. “So this still-folded sweatshirt is dirty?”

I handed it to him and he gave it a quick sniff before tossing it on his bed. “Probably not.”

I picked up a pair of tucked together socks. “I’m going to assume you don’t match and fold used socks.” I handed them to him. “So these are clean too.”

He tossed them on the bed next to the clean sweatshirt.

I was beginning to get frustrated looking at all the dirty/clean clothes on the floor so, I got up and headed for his door. “I’ll be in the laundry room. I’d like you to go through this mess and bring me anything that’s dirty.”

“Sure.” he turned back to his computer.

“Oh, I mean now.” I have to admit there was a slight edge to my voice.

“Oh!” He quickly got up from his chair.

Once I saw he was picking up clothes, I felt it was safe to close his door and go back to my clothes sorting.

A few minutes later the laundry room door opened and about three loads of “dirty” laundry were toss on the floor next to my feet. “Here’s everything I could find.”

I couldn’t believe how much there was. “Are you sure everything in that pile needs to be washed?”

Alex looked surprised that I’d asked. “I guess I could check again.”

“That would be a great idea.”

I watched as he began picking through the pile. He took out one sneaker and a book that must have fallen off his nightstand. Standing back up, holding the two things in his arms, he smiled at me. “Okay, now I can say that what you’re looking at is definitely just dirty clothes.”

I looked at the pile and sighed. It was still three loads of laundry. “Did you check the pockets to make sure there isn’t anything in them that shouldn’t be washed?”

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sure they’re empty.”

“Okay, but I have to let you know, my rule is, I keep any money I find in the wash.”

Alex dropped his sneaker and book and began searching through the pockets of his jeans.

Now it was my turn to smile.

I’d gathered up all my exercise books that I’d been collecting for years, grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and settled in for some reading.

Steven walked by and saw the stack of books beside me. “Did you just buy all those books?”

I smiled “Nope!” I took a quick sip from my glass of eggnog. “I’ve had some of these books for years. I’m just trying to decide which diet I want to follow this year.” I placed my glass on the coffee table and settled back to reading.

“Well, eggnog and exercise books do seem to go together.” he laughed as sat down next to me and picked up one of the books.

“Hey, I’m not starting this new plan until after all the holiday treats are out of here.” I turned the page on the book I was scanning called “Exercise Ball”. “I think this might be the winner this year.” I showed him the page where the girl was sitting on the ball doing a shoulder press with hand weights. “See? This is perfect! I already own the ball and the yoga mat and I even have the hand weights!” I stopped for a moment. “Now I just have to remember where I put those hand weights.”

“I know where they are.” Steven said shaking his head.

“Oh great, where?”

“For some reason they’re under my side of the bed!” He looked over at me. “I’ve bumped my toe on them a couple of times getting into bed.”

“Oh, sorry about that.”

“How’d they get on my side of the bed?”

“Well, they started out on my side, but every time I went to hide another Christmas present under there I must have been pushing the weights over to your side.”

Steven just shook his head as he turned the page on the book he was looking through. “I can’t believe they have a book on how to meditate your way to weight loss.” He pointed to a page.

I glanced over at the page where a woman was sitting cross-legged on the beach, eyes closed and hands pressed together at heart level. “I tried that one last year.” I shook my head. “Obviously meditation and I don’t work well together.” I reached for my glass of eggnog and took another sip. “I guess it was silly to think I could just picture losing the weight and it would happen.” I shrugged my shoulders. “But it was worth a shot, huh?”

Steven closed the book and looked over at mine. “Well, at least this one has you moving.” he agreed.

“Hey! I walk two miles every day!” I corrected him.

“Every day?” he countered.

“Well, every day that the weather is nice enough.”

“Whatever you decide, I’m sure it will be great.” Steven said as he got up from the couch.

“Oh, are you going in the kitchen?” I asked.

“I could. What do you want?”

“Is there any more of the rocky road candy left?” I asked as I went back to thumbing though my book. My question was met with silence. When I looked up, Steven just staring at me.

“I told you I wasn’t starting any of this until all the goodies were out of the house!”  

We were at our annual holiday visit at my sister’s house. All of us were gathered around her kitchen island, when my sister looked over at my wrist and noticed a red burn.

“How’d you get that one?” she asked.

I held it out proudly so she could get a better look. “Christmas morning, cooking bacon.”

My sister pulled up the sleeve of her shirt, showing me several welts on her forearm. “Frying calamari for Christmas Eve dinner.”

I leaned in to get a closer look. “Okay, I have to admit, yours looks worse than mine.”

My sister smiled as she pulled the sleeve down. “I didn’t pat the calamari completely dry before I put it in the oil.”

“That’s a painful lesson learned.” I said as I casually pulled up my own sleeve to show off my old holiday scars. “Remember the years of cookie baking?” I pointed to the fading red lines on my forearm. “I got caught three years in a row with the oven rack.”

By now our boys had grown bored with our conversation. They filled their plates with food and headed for the game room.

That left my sister and her husband and Steven and I. My sister was examining her hand. “You can’t see it anymore, but remember the year I made a Christmas goose?”

Steven leaned back and smiled. “That was the best goose I ever ate!”

My sister smiled. “Thank you!” She gave up looking for the scar. “I had a burn on my hand for years, from the drippings overflowing when I was taking the pan out of the oven.”

“I remember that one.” I shuttered at the memory. “You ate dinner with a cold cloth wrapped around your hand.”

It was my turn again as I showed her my knuckle. “See this little crescent shaped scar?”

She leaned forward to get a better look. “It’s pretty faint.”

“Thank you!” Steven called out.

Everyone looked over at Steven, but I jumped in to explain first. “That was from the can opener disaster.” I said. “I was opening a can of cranberry sauce when the lid cut open my knuckle.” I rubbed the spot of my old wound. “I really should have gone to get stitches but we had a house full of guests.”

Steven jumped in. “It wasn’t as bad as you thought. All I did was put a butterfly bandage on it and you were back at the dining room table in two minutes.”

We’d all gotten quite for a moment. Then my sister looked over at me. “Are we that accident prone?” she asked.

“No!” I was shocked she’d even suggest such a thing. “We love to cook and accidents just happen sometimes!”

Steven leaned over to my brother-in-law. “But, just to be on the safe side, I got her a can opener that doesn’t leave any sharp edges.”

My brother-in-law nodded in agreement. “Smart move.” he said looking at my sister. “I’ll be picking up one of those for you tomorrow.”

My husband Steven and I were headed out the door, for another holiday get-together. “Are we bringing anything?” he asked as we put on our coats.

I walked over to the wine rack and pulled out a bottle that already had a ribbon attached to it.

“This is perfect.” I said.

Steven stopped in front of the door. “Are you re-gifting?”

“It’s a bottle of wine.” I answered.

“But we got that as a Christmas gift.” he argued. “It still has the original bow on it.”

“Food and wine don’t count in re-gifting.”

“Since when?”

“This is their favorite wine.” I said. “Why should I go to the store and buy a bottle of this wine when I have a bottle right here and it already has the bow on it?”

“Because you didn’t buy it.” he argued. “You took it out of our wine rack.”

“That’s where my re-gifting rules come in.”

Steven took a deep breath. “This should be good.”

I tried to ignore his sarcastic tone. “You can’t re-gift homemade food or wine, but anything store bought isn’t considered re-gifting.” I explained. “It’s more like sharing when you bring it to someone else’s house.”

“So if someone made me a scarf I couldn’t re-gift, but it would be okay if the scarf was store bought?”

“I didn’t say that rule applies to outerwear.” I corrected. “I said it was find with food and wine.”

“So what do you do with the clothing gifts that you get and you don’t like?”

“Those have to be worn at least once in front of the giver. Then you can put it in the back of your closet, where it will stay for a few years, before you give it to Goodwill.”

Steven started to laugh. “What about things for the house?” he asked.

“Out on display until the giver sees it, then up in the attic until the next garage sale.”

“What about gift certificates?”

“Oh come on, Steven! What’s not to like about a gift certificate?”

“So you mean to tell me you’ve only re-gifted food and wine?”

“I’m telling you those are the only two things you can re-gift. And those can only go to someone who loves that type of wine or food.”

Steven looked at the bottle of wine tucked under my arm. “Do you make these rules up as you go?” he asked.

“Yes, but only when we’re late for a party and I forgot to get them a hostess gift.” 

I was sitting on the couch, tucked under a blanket and scrolling through my Facebook feed, when Steven came into the living room and sat down next to me.

“Check this out.” I said as I handed him my phone and gave him a piece of my blanket.

“What am I looking at?” he asked putting him feet up on the coffee table and draping the blanket over his legs.

“It’s a really great Christmas display.” I tapped the screen to start the video.

We both watched as the synchronized music and light show began. The entire house began it’s flashing light display while a rock band covered a pumped up version of Carol Of The Bells. I couldn’t help bobbing my head along with the music.

Four minutes later, when the video ended, I looked at Steven. “Wasn’t that great?”

Steven handed me back my phone. “It was pretty good.” he said.

“The house is only forty minutes away.” I said. “Let’s go look at it.” I suggested.

Steven looked confused. “We just looked at it.”

“I know,” I was scrolling though Facebook again. “But I’m sure it’s even better in person.”

“Really?” Steven didn’t sound convinced. “You mean driving forty minutes to wait in the traffic leading up to the house, finding a parking space a dozen blocks away and walking in the freezing cold is going to be better than what we just saw?”

It made me stop for a minute, because he had a point. But then I got nostalgic. “Don’t you remember how much fun we used to have bundling up the boys and putting them in the back seat with bags of snacks while we drove all over Monmouth County looking at the lights?”

“Sure, it was fun.” Steven said, taking out his phone and logging onto his Facebook account. “But that was before everyone posted pictures of their decorated houses.” He scrolled though his feed. “One of my clients posted this great shot.” He handed me his phone to show me the house. It had lights in every tree and bush in the front yard. The entire house was outlined in lights and a full sized Santa was standing at the front door ready to welcome all their holiday visitors.

“Wow, that’s really great.” I handed him back his phone.

“I know! They had a company come in and put all the lights up. It took them two days to get it all done.”

We were both scrolling though our feeds, looking for more houses, when Alex came into the room. “What are you two up to?” he asked.

“We’re traveling around the county looking at everyone’s Christmas lights.” Steven and I both held up our phones to show him. “Want to come with us?”

Alex looked over our shoulders to see. “This is how you look at Christmas lights now?”

“Sure.” Steven said. “No traffic, no freezing cold weather. What’s not to like?”

Alex looked over at me. “What about the snacks and hot chocolate after? That used to be the best part.”

“That’s a great idea!” I got up from the couch and looked at Steven. “I’m going to make some hot chocolate. Do you want some?”

“Sure.” Alex and Steven said together.

I handed Steven my phone. “Show Alex that great one I showed you with the music.”