FAST FOOD SQUIRREL

It had been a busy weekend morning and my son Alex and I were just finishing up our walk. As we headed back to our car I realized I hadn’t been to the grocery store yet so there was nothing in the house to eat for lunch.

I turned to Alex as I clicked my key fob to open the car doors, “Do you feel like stopping at McDonald’s for lunch?”

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “Sure, that sounds good.”

As we got to the end of the drive-thru line I looked at all the cars ahead of us. “Well, I guess we’re not the only people who need a trip to the grocery store.”

We inched our way up to the menu board, placed our order, paid, and collected our food. I drove around to the back of the parking lot and parked.

Alex handed me my cheeseburger from the grease spotted bag. Unwrapping it I took a bite and began shaking my head. “I don’t know what they put in these burgers but they always taste so good.”

I reached over and took the paper sack of french fries out of the bag along with a few packets of ketchup for dunking. Spreading the cheeseburger wrapper on my lap I poured the fries on it and was ready to open the packet of ketchup when I noticed a huge squirrel sitting next to our car.

“Holy smokes! Would you look at the size of that one!” I pointed to the squirrel as it slowly made it’s way to the garbage can and climbed through the hole that had been eaten in it. It’s head popping out a few seconds later with a french fry hanging out of its mouth.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a squirrel that fat!”

Alex looked over and shook his head. “What do you expect? It’s a McDonald’s squirrel.”

That made me stop mid-way to opening the ketchup packet and instead I dropped it back in my lap.

“I never thought about that!” I looked back at the chubby squirrel who was now sitting on his hind legs quietly munching away on the leftover fry. “The squirrels at our house are all razor-thin.”

“Of course they are.” Alex popped another fry in his mouth. “That’s because they have to hang from the bottom of our bird feeders and do stomach crunches to be able to reach the seeds!”

Just then another chubby squirrel came waddling through the parking lot making his way to the garbage can buffet.

I took another bite of my burger but it wasn’t tasting as good as my first bite. I looked down at my lap full of fries and back at my rotund friend trying to squeeze his body back through the hole in the garbage can and began to feel my hunger disappear.

I looked over at Alex, “You want my fries?”

Alex looked confused. “But you haven’t had any.”

I pointed to the garbage can where back half of the squirrel was still trying to get into the hole. “Lost my appetite for fast food after watching that!” I picked up the fry filled cheeseburger wrapper and dropped it back in the bag before I started the car. “I think I’ll head home and see if there’s some salad leftover from last night.”